Mammograms- Don't Let Fear Stop You From Getting Them DONE
I was very surprised when Michelle, the Nurse Practitioner conducting my annual OBGYN exam asked me if I'd ever had a mammogram. I was only thirty-eight. Didn't they start much later than that?
Michelle explained that beginning at thirty-five, it's advised to get what's called a baseline mammogram done. Since I was three years past- it would be a good idea.
I nodded in agreement, but fear raced through me. A mammogram? Oh my God! Already a sufferer of anxiety attacks, I felt one coming on at the very thought of a mammogram. My mind raced with 'what if' thoughts: What if they found something? What if it's cancer? What if I needed surgery and treatment?
Those thoughts stayed with me until the day of my mammogram, several weeks later. By the time I arrived at the radiation department, I was a nervous wreck.
It felt like I'd been hit by a bus.
Keep it together, I kept repeating to myself as I neared the entrance. You've got to do this. Just do it
After checking in, I sat and waited, which for me, isn't a good thing. I need distraction to alleviate any fears, and the magazine selection was scarce.
The only thing to do was pray. I asked God for strength. I repeated that no matter what, it was better to know than not. I reasoned with myself that if they did find something, it would be better to tackle it now rather than wait until perhaps, it was too late.
My name was called and my stomach jumped into my throat. With shaking legs, I walked like a robot through the open doorway where a very pleasant woman with a warm smile stood. She directed me into a dressing room, asked if I was wearing any deodorant, (which I wasn't- you can't when you get a mammogram), and then I changed into the hospital dressing gown. (Nobody's favorite fashion item.)
I was surprised when I entered the room where the mammogram 'machine' was. I envisioned something much bigger- and a room much darker. I thought I'd be alone having my breasts squished into pancakes until I was in excruciating pain. But, the machine wasn't big, nor was it intimidating. The room was rather small and bright, like a little exam room, and I wasn't alone. There was a wonderful nurse, or technician, with me throughout the entire mammogram.
She was quite a bit older than I, and we seemed to click. Her calm voice and relaxed aura calmed me as we talked about my writing, her family- all the while, she was placing my breast on a small plate while another plate came down upon it. We continued talking while she did the next breast, and although I felt pressure and a bit of tenderness, (my breasts always get tender about two weeks into my cycle), it didn't send me reeling or make me want to scream.
Thank you, God, I said to myself as she and I continued talking and the mammogram was taking place. Thank you for matching me up with such a wonderful person who calmed me. Thank you for this test not being anything like what I feared it would be.
Yes, I still had fears. After all, it was a mammogram, and they could find something. But, I created a situation in my own mind that was far more frightening than any mammogram could be.
I could have allowed that fear to stop me from going. I know what it's like to struggle with anxiety so strong that at times, it's nearly debilitating. I've lived it for almost nineteen years.
However, the fear of having breast cancer and leaving it untreated was far worse- and a much more founded fear.
I've always had cysts in my breasts, and that added to my worries. They've never felt smooth- always a bit bumpy and lumpy. What if one of those cysts wasn't just a cyst? What if, what if, what if...
When the exam was complete and I was dressed, I thanked my new friend for being so kind and setting my mind at ease. I left knowing no matter what, I did what I had to do for my own health and faced my fears head on
Things usually aren't as bad as our minds make them out to be. We have wonderful imaginations, but sometimes, they work against us, as they did with me.
To anyone who's afraid to have a mammogram done, be it a baseline or otherwise, please don't let that fear stop you from going. After all, what's worse? The mammogram, or having breast cancer go undetected?
By the way, my mammogram came back fine. In typical fashion, I eagerly checked the mail each day, full of fear. However, when the fear got really bad, I thought about the wonderful woman who gave me the mammogram, her words of encouragement, and how even if the results came back with something positive, I'd be ready for the fight and grateful it was found early.
God Bless you in all you do,
Ellen M. DuBois
Ellen M. DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: A book about miscarriage, healing, and recovery
. She is also the host of MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried. Ms. DuBois has two greeting cards published by Blue Mountain Arts, is also the author of A-Z Affirmations: Change Your Thinking Change Your Life
, and Jackie's Heart
- a story of love, loss, adventure and second chances. You can read more about Ellen’s works on her author website at ellendubois.com, or visit her blog at MiscarriageHelp.com.
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