By: Dr. Linda Backman, Psychologist
Who are these Beings of Light…these Souls who choose not to stay with us here in body as our children? What have they come to teach us? And, how can we hear their message? How can we acknowledge their continued presence as a soul in our life?
Having known and lost from bodily existence my own precious child, our second son, I know far too well the strident feelings of excruciating pain. Whether one week, or one year….or even the more than thirty-three years having past since the birth and death of tiny, blessed Adam...my feelings of loss remain accessible. Life, in so many ways, has progressed beautifully. Nonetheless, the tear in the fabric of my being remains.
Lessons or learning or seemingly being forced to view life from an alternate perspective seems to be a cruel joke. But, is the human loss of a child a joke without purpose? Would the loftiest wisdom-filled energy we term God or the Tao or Great Spirit supplant a child’s greatly desired life with a Divine request to veer onto a new course? Allow me to suggest the answer is “yes”. Nonetheless, how do we grab hold of the awareness of learning, while we’re in the midst of deep grieving?
The answer which comes to mind in response is Spiritual Perspective and Spiritual Practice. Let’s begin with spiritual perspective. Spiritual can easily be defined as recognizing there is a force greater than each of us which loves, supports, and guides our lives as well as the glorious beauty of nature in our midst. Even during those times of question when we seek to understand from whence the amazing wonder of nature stems the explanation generally ties to a higher realm.
Spiritual Practice defines any activity which allows our awareness to be in communion with the unseen world while our conscious mind remains fully intact. To mention just a few options I’d suggest prayer of any orientation, traditional silent Eastern style meditation, indigenous shamanic journeying via percussion sound, listening to music, or walking/hiking. From a brain wave explanation we’re seeking to shift our brain waves into a more relaxed state. Current research indicates greater physical and emotional health and healing when guided imagery or hypnosis is utilized.
In the midst of painful “gut wrenching” bereavement I must honestly say we often find it difficult to maintain a spiritual perspective. And, even when vacillation occurs between awareness of a higher realm and the depth of misery and emptiness we remain “one leg up” in the process of faith and holding fast to a more optimistic knowing.
Many of us find it useful, if not essential, to augment our ability to hold fast to our individual awareness of the “glass half full, rather than half empty”. While we live in a culture that would suggest we should be “strong” and able to always view life with the belief a better day will soon appear, for each of us at one time or another standing alone is absolutely insufficient. And, frankly, why is this necessary? Is this the old American teaching of strength related to leaving our Mother Country and coming across stormy seas to build a land of freedom?
Rather than denying our palpable need for love and support as we grapple with the painful loss of a child, let’s focus on a myriad of ways to gain Spiritual Perspective and to learn Spiritual Practice. How do we gain the faith, the belief, that there truly is a higher realm…a higher order which affects and impacts our everyday life? Some find organized religion, perhaps of our childhood, serves just this purpose. While others cast aside structured teachings and seek to gain a vantage point labeled spiritual rather than religious. Either approach is perfectly fine as long as you discover what will “fill your cup”.
First, I suggest asking yourself, “Do I either have a connection or wish to have a connection with a religious home, a dogma of faith attached to a specific structure?” If your answer is “yes” then seek the comfort and community of Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism or the like. In most communities you can avail yourself of the support of clergy and individuals who follow such a perspective with regular gathering times.
And, if a spiritual focus without the structure of a labeled organized religious group is your preference there are also numerous options. I might add there are particular churches which seem to span the gap between religion and spirituality such as Unity and the Church of Religious Science. Spirituality ties to any perspective or practice which assists us in recognizing the presence and attachment to an unseen higher order of wisdom. The options here are nearly limitless. Some examples would include nature, music, astrology, shamanism, mysticism, energy medicine, to name but a few.
The bottom line to this discussion is to choose your avenue to access, by any means, a sense of trust in the Universe which will substantiate the belief we are not alone with our traumas. We need to validate the awareness that the world does contain a depth of meaning beyond suffering. And, while life thrusts difficulty into our laps, there is more than a random order to events. In some manner discovering continuity of consciousness, spirit, or soul seems essential.
Finally, how do we definite Spiritual Practice? Again, the options seem boundless such as religious or spiritual community, prayer, exercise, music, yoga, meditation, shamanic journey, or energetic healing, etc. Any activity which allows our conscious mind and our heart to experience the presence of a higher realm would be classified as Spiritual Practice. In addition, regularity of your chosen activity is strongly recommended. The more often we engage in Spiritual Practice the easier we “let go” and shift out of a trauma response and into a place of love and comfort.
When we are in emotional pain often we place ourselves in a category of one and assume no one else does feel, or has ever felt, as deeply lost. I’m here to remind you this is absolutely NOT true. But, loss and grief creates “tunnel vision” where we are completely absorbed in the current darkness. We need perspective, support, and love. While it is difficult to accept a new day will come, if you acknowledge your complicated feelings, the light will shine once again. Many of us have learned this the hard way, by simply taking one day at a time and putting one foot in front of the other.
I will continue to write further about this and related subjects. In the meantime, if you would wish to discuss anything I have shared in this article please do contact me. And, if I do not respond immediately, please know that I will get back to you. Most of the time I’m quite easy to reach by email.
Dr. Linda Backman, Psychologist
Mother of Adam who was born and left the Earth in April, 1972.
LRBackman@aol.com
RavenHeartCenter.com
www.IBLRN.org
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