What Does It Mean To Be A Woman?

By: Ellen M. DuBois

In thinking about what it means to be a woman, there are too many feelings, thoughts and emotions that can't be easily encapsulated into a 'word' or generic definition of womanhood.

To me, being a woman means working hard at my crafts, sharing my gifts, doing for others, trying to remain true to myself, facing my biological clock every day and trying to ignore it...unsuccessfully. Being a woman to me means realizing that giving up my dreams, goals, ambitions for the sake of another is and was a foolish thing to do, all in an attempt to create happiness in another while foresaking my own. Being a woman means I'm who I am- with or without makup, but feeling better about myself when I have makeup on. Does that make me superficial? I don't know. Being a woman means reading magazines and perhaps, skewing my perception of my body-image because I equate real with unreal. To me, being a woman means finally knowing that I can't walk around, nor do I want to, with a team of airbrush artists who'll make me look perfect. What is perfect, anyway? To me, being a woman is a constant battle with trying to toss the external, knowing that true beauty lies in my soul, not my hair-color or lipstick.

I embrace my femininity, but am beginning to learn that femininity does not equate to pretty clothes- although that's the fun part of it. The real part of it is my spirit- my yearning to give to those in need, hug a friend who's in pain, and treat myself as gently as I would my best friend. That's a difficult one, for me-but, it's all part of what being a woman is in my own book.

We all have our own 'books'- our own definitions of what it means to be a woman. It's important that we find our book and if we don't like what's written in the pages thus far, change what's written. Finding the courage to change can be difficult. Change creates fear in many of us, in me~even when I know change is for the best.

Does being a woman automatically mean motherhood to me? No, because I've yet to be called Mommy. However, the motherhood 'gene' is in my wiring, so to me, being a woman does mean wanting to be a mother. Sometimes I wish it didn't, because not being one wouldn't hurt so much.

I am forever the one in the middle- trying to smooth the waters in everyone else's life. That creates waves in my own life that get too big and out of control. I get uneasy and wonder what the point of it all is...Why am I here?

To me, being a woman is being a human being. It's not about what sex I am, it's about WHO I am. And, I am sometimes confident, and sometimes very afraid. There are days when my faith carries me, and there are days when I don't allow it to. I smile at the small, free, beautiful things life has to offer, and sometimes I'm so blinded by my own self I miss them. When I am passionate about something, I bite onto it with the strength of a pit-bull. I want to save the world, but realize that I need to take things one person at a time, one life at a time, and mine has to be included.

I have spent the past two decades of my adult-life living for the needs of others, and have learned that I've made some poor choices, with the best of intentions. They've landed me in a spot that sometimes feels like a pebble in my shoe- always there, nagging at me, hurting sometimes...all the while I know all I have to do is take off my shoe and shake the pebble out. Why is it so tough to take off my shoe sometimes?

Learning that life is a journey is being a woman to me. Finding my path in this often crazy world full of expectations, most of which I place upon myself, is critical to my overall sense of purpose. Finding my path will only happen when I can still myself enough to listen to what God, The Divine, The Universal Life Force is telling me...shouting at me...screaming at me because my ears are full of the wax of my own life. A life I once thought I was in complete control of, and have come to understand that I am not. I can't control the uncontrollable. It took me a long time to come to that point of enlightenment.

Some women seem to have it all figured out, and I'm not one of them. I hope to be, although I don't think anyone has it ALL figured out, even though it appears they do. But, I'd like to be a lot closer to the woman I want to be...

Only I can make that happen.

Ellen M. DuBois